


No light, no light (In your bright blue eyes)

by aryablakes



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Missing Scene, but buffy isn't actually in the fic, but its temp, cause i havent seen enough fics about her so, here we are, its all about dawn for the most part, takes place between s5 and s6, the main focus is buffy and dawn, very very small mention of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-03-09 07:59:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18912814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aryablakes/pseuds/aryablakes
Summary: So they buried her, Dawn cried the whole time, whether she could remember the rest of the event or not, she knew she cried through the whole thing, why wouldn’t she, that was her sister goddamnit!.





	No light, no light (In your bright blue eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> so the title is supposed to be about Buffy, ik smg doesnt have blue eyes but can we just pretend pls. also the title is no light, no light by florence + the machine!

“I miss her, Spike.” Dawn says, voice small, hands still dealing cards. “We all do, niblet.” Spike says, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice, everything he feels, sadness, anger, depression, all of it, Dawn doesn’t deserve to hear it, she was her sister after all.

“I just, god i want her back, Spike. She didn’t deserve this! She didn’t everything she could have done to keep things from being horrible and yet-” She cuts herself off, the anger she was feeling was almost tangible, “it should have been me.” She says, voice tiny, overwhelming sadness overtook the anger, you could tell it was all she could do not to burst out in tears. Dawn just keeps reliving it, the jump, the portal closing behind her, and from the top of the tower, it just looked like she was sleeping. The closer she got to the ground, all she could see was blood, there was so much blood, pooling around he- the body.

It was pure nightmare fuel, but she never had any, she’d guess it’s cause everything she feared already came true, her sister was dead, buried in the ground somewhere. She couldn’t even remember the funeral, the whole time all she kept thinking about was the image of her sister laying there, she looked, peaceful almost, for the first time in a long time, she looked at peace. and as much as Dawn wanted her back she wasn’t gonna take that from her.

So they buried her, Dawn cried the whole time, whether she could remember the rest of the event or not, she knew she cried through the whole thing, why wouldn’t she, that was her sister goddamnit!.  
“Niblet.” Spike scolded, voice firm, “No, come on you know she wouldn’t want you thinking like this, she did it to save you.”

“ That's exactly what I'm talking about! If those goddamn mocks didn't make me, she’d be here right now! and if that doesn't make you mad, Spike, well then, I guess she picked the wrong person to look after me!” She yells, if she were any louder the windows would’ve shook.

“Of course it does, Niblet, but you deserve to live just as much as she did. Now it's just us.” Spike says, closing his eyes at the end of his words, trying to stay strong for her. “She would’ve wanted you to finish school, and leave this shithole, and I think that’s exactly what you should do.”

“ Yea, I probably will, and it doesn’t matter who else tells me to, Willow, Xander, Anya, even you, the only reason I’ll do it is for her, i guess that’s all it takes. ” She says, grabbing her cards, before dropping them back down on the table, suddenly not in the mood to play a game anymore.

Spike sighs, dropping his cards too, putting his head in his hands. Dawn huffs standing up from where she was sitting to go to her room, it was only 9 but it seemed like a good time to sleep to her.  


————————————————————————————-  
Dawn wakes up bright and early the next morning, unable to sleep more than a few hours at a time, she spent the whole night tossing and turning. She stands up, stretching and grabbing for her diary, Buffy used to tease her for still having one, Dawn would always get so mad when Buffy tried to look at her stuff, now she wouldn’t care, she’d want her to! anything to have her back she’d guess. She wrote down how she was feeling and what happened yesterday.

Looking back over it, it almost sounded as if she was depressed, hell she wouldn’t know shes never been, but it seems like it, if the stories Taras told her from how she was in the past are anything to go off of. She huffs shoving that to the back of her brain before getting out of bed and heading downstairs.

Once dressed Dawn heads down to the kitchen to find Tara in the kitchen, making pancakes. “Hey Dawnie.” Tara says, voice still small, having just woken up not too long ago. “ Hi. ” Dawn waves, sitting at the island, a tall plate stacked full of pancakes in front of her.

She shoved the plate back a little bit, she couldn’t eat right now, no matter what happened that night never left her head, and she’d tried a lot. She’d gotten drunk when she knew no one would find out, all that really happened was she learned whiskey tastes like shit. She smoked pot early in the morning or late at night, no one ever really bothered her unless it was time for dinner, it was alright but it just wasn't for her, she started stealing, and well that was fun, nothing took the edge off, nothing.

It was all she could do not to drive herself crazy, she kept having flashbacks, to the night, there she was, up on that tower, no one was there to help her, and then Spike was there to help her, to save her, and then he was gone too, just like the rest, and then that man kept cutting her, deeper and deeper till she felt like she was dying, she supposes she was. and then Buffy came, Dawn was bleeding out on this rickety old tower and there was no hope, until there was, and then she jumped, and all that hope was gone again.

It was all she could do to keep living, to not sink so deep in her head, in the dark dark thoughts that live there and never come out, but she was coping, just like everyone else. it just seems like everyone else is better at it.

She wanted nothing more than for her to be back, living, breathing, sitting by her side. She wanted her to complain when she put the empty milk back, and she wanted her to not let her in her room, and she wanted her to make fun of her for having a diary, she wanted her sister back!

“Dawnie, hun, are you feeling alright?” Tara looks over, eyes scanning her, hands holding hers, huh, Dawn didn't even realize she walked over here, maybe she is a little too in her head. “W-yeah, yeah i'm fine Tara, thank you.” Dawn forces a small smile, hoping it'll make her believe that she wasn't so close to crying.

“Dawn.” Tara starts, hands holding onto hers, trying to make sure she knows she'll always be here for her, “Its okay not to be okay, with everything that's happened, me and everyone else will totally understand.”

Dawn rapidly blinks, not now she thinks, i don’t need to do this right now, it doesn’t have to happen right now. Tara understand without her saying anything, it’s written all over her face, she wraps her arms around the girl in front of her, hoping and praying to any god that would listen that she would make it through this.

All it took was a warm body pressed to hers before Dawn broke down, crying so hard she wouldn’t have been able to see, had she actually had her eyes open. Tara knew she was gonna have a big wet patch on her shirt but she didn’t care, she just kept patting Dawn’s head.

Dawn didn’t know how long it’d been, all she knew was she felt more at peace than she had in the month following what had happened, and that was more than okay for her. She lifted her head of Tara’s shoulder, making note of the giant spot on her shirt, “Oh, my god, Tara, I’m sorry, your shirt-”.

“Dawn, sweetie, it’s okay, I’m glad you felt comfortable here, I know what your going though must be terribly hard for you, I’m, I’m just so sorry Dawnie.”

Dawn gives her a weak smile, looking at the breakfast in front of her, she takes a deep breath, and starts trying to eat as much pancakes as she can in five minutes.

 

————————————————————————————-

As it turns out, as many pancakes as Dawn could eat in five minutes was four, which ended up being way too much for her, even before she could barely finish three without wanting to barf, now it was all she could do not to puke in the kitchen.

She ran as fast as her little legs would take her to the nearest bathroom, making sure she didn’t spill her insides all over the house, she did that once when she was a kid, not fun.

A few moments later she was calmly walking upstairs to her room, trying to see if anyone saw what just happened, she hoped not, she always got so embarrassed whenever the scoobys saw her do childish things, it didn’t matter what it was.

Standing in her bedroom now, dressed for the day, baby blue sweater and medium wash jeans on, she sat in front of her mirror, see she was going out, into the town, for the first night since, since it had happened, she’d gone out during the day before sure, but never at night, and she was trying to ensure she wouldn’t look entirely out of place, she wanted to forget about this, everything that had happened recently, try to think happier maybe, if it was possible.

Before she could properly sneak out, a knock came at the door, “Come in!”

Willow’s head popped around the door, “Hey, Dawnie, I was hoping we could talk a little bit.”

“O-oh, okay. What’s up, Willow?”

Willow closes the door behind her and sits herself across from Dawn on the bed, grabbing her hands in her own, “I just, I know how hard everything has been for you Dawnie, and I just wanted, er more, needed, to see, if there was anything I could do to help you, right now?”

“I don’t think anything will really make me feel better Willow, but I appreciate the effort.” Dawn says, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly in a smile that didn’t reach her eyes at all.

“Come on Dawnie, there has to be something, a new pair of shoes, or or, maybe a cookout, or, I don’t know, what do you want, there has to be something.” All the while this conversation went on, Willow never let go of her hands, or lost the sad but trying motherly tone she always seemed to have when talking to Dawn.

“Willow, I love that your trying to do this, but, nothing will make me feel better, the only thing I want right now, is B-, her back, and, and, I don’t think I’m ever really gonna get that, but thank you, really.” Dawn drops Willows hands down into her own lap, standing up to go.

Willow takes a deep breath, watching Dawn leave, she sits there for a moment, trying to think of what to do, before an idea pops into her head. She jumps up and runs into her and Taras room, hoping to find her girlfriend still in bed, where she was when she left a few moments ago.

“Tara, baby, I was talking to Dawn and I had an idea, w-we could bring her back. I mean, let’s be honest with ourselves, things haven’t been the best since, everything happened, a-and I just know that, with her back, everything would be better. And I, she can’t be happy, there, in hell, it just, it makes sense, baby.”

Tara was looking at her deeply, intently listening to every word she said, making sure she understood what her girlfriend was saying to the fullest extent.

“Willow, I know you want her back, and I understand that, she made everything better, when she was here, but I just don’t think it’s a good idea, messing with the forces of life and death, i-it just doesn’t sound right to me.”

Willow sits next to her on the bed, moving her book as to not crush it underneath her, “I-i know it’s not something we take lightly but, but I just, everything’s messed up without her here, and Dawns sad and I’m sad and you and Xander and Giles and Anya and just, no one's okay Tara, we-we need her back.”

Tara grabs her hands into her own, trying to think this idea over, remembering what happened with Joyce back then, but knowing this was so much different. “If you think it’s a good idea baby, we can look into it. It could just be you and I out there, trying to do this. I mean, we could try to get someone else, Xander would probably be willing to help, but when it comes down to it, it’ll probably just be us babe.” ****

“I know sweetie, but what other choice do we have?”.

**Author's Note:**

> so the end is kinda supposed to lead into b pt 1 without much hassle, this is kinda like a missing scene fic but, multiple scenes lmao. also this is the first thing i've written in the past few years so sorry if it's kinda crap.
> 
> check out my tumblr [here!](http://bisexual-stilinskis.tumblr.com/)


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